And Then She Was Eight

Before having children, I had no idea that I was so sentimental/emotional about birthdays.  The following is a letter that I wrote for Moo on her eighth birthday.

Dear Moo,

This special day comes around every year.  You'd think that I'd be prepared by now, but I'm not.  At least not emotionally.  I know that for you birthdays are about spending time with your favorite people, getting out of school early, presents and special lunches with sweet treats.  Also, I know that you feel like it takes forever for your birthday to get here. (You spent all summer reminding us how far away December was).

But for me it seems like the time in between each birthday isn't long enough.  Time is one of the things almost everyone wishes they had an unlimited supply of.  There have been so many different moments your life that I wish I could have hit a freeze frame button on so that we could have dwelled in those moments forever.  Unfortunately time is ever constant.  Always moving forward and these years. with you (and your brother) seem to be passing by in the blink of an eye.

On this special day, I want you to know that I am prouder than ever to have been chosen to be your mommy.  I speak for the family when I say that you fill our lives with joy, happiness and lots of sparkles!  I love that over the years you've taught me a lot of things.  You've taught me the importance of being carefree.  You've taught me so much about learning to love myself as I am in any current moment instead of focusing on how others (or even myself) wish I were.

Your compassionate spirit and willingness to lend a helping hand to others have always been admirable traits.  I love that you don't allow people (or yourself) to put your in a box.  You can be a quiet introvert one minute, then an adventurous extrovert the next.  You absolutely love dolls, but you keep a collection of Thomas & Friends mini trains.  Dressing up and dabbling in makeup are your all-time favorite activities, but don't let being fancy stop you from getting down and dirty in the dirt either.

The list of qualities that I love about you is endless.  And I'm not just saying this because I'm your mom.  You light up and bring sunshine to any and every room place you go.  You're amazing like that!  Seriously, people stop to compliment me all the time on "what a happy, bright and beautiful child" I have whenever we're out and about.

My prayer for you on your eighth birthday isn't for time to slow down, though I wish it would.  Instead I pray that you continue to be compassionate, kind, gentle, loving, adventurous, fearless and uniquely you!

I love you, Moo!!

You're well on your way to changing the world.  I'm just happy that I get to come along for the ride and help navigate along the way.

Happy Birthday,

Mommy

Letters To My (Our) Children: The Importance of Celebrating Our Black History

Happy Black History Month My Loves!

Growing up celebrating the richness of our history wasn't something that was confined to solely to the month of February.  Grandma was very proactive about making sure that we celebrated Black history year round.  From requiring us all to participate in our schools' yearly History Day competitions to checking out movies with mainly Black casts and keeping our bookshelves stocked with biographies and memoirs like Narrative of Sojourner Truth, she made she we were raised to appreciate our culture.

Like Grandma, I've adopted the tradition of celebrating our Black history year round as well for the following reasons:

Hope

"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope."

~ Romans 15:4

Throughout the Bible there are many passages that warn about the danger of not knowing one's history.  There are even more passages that encourage the older generation to pass down the stories of their family's history to their children while stressing the importance that their children then pass those same messages and history lessons down to the next generation to come and so forth.  Knowing where our people came from gives us hope!  As each generation has improved, the next one has become more hopeful.  

And when we have hope, we have faith.  Therefore each generation is essentially becoming more faithful because they're hearing (and even witnessing at times) of just how far God has guided and elevated us.  Always let our history give you hope and faith that you can not only endure all things, but also rise above things like racism and glass ceilings. 

Vision

"Have a vision. Be demanding.

~ Colin Powell

How can you have vision for your future if you don't know where our people have been?  What we've been through?  And how can you demand better for your life when you don't a vision of where you're going or where you want to be?

Knowing where we come from inspires us to envision the places we want to go next.  Those visions create direction.  Direction then creates demand because in order to get where we're going we'll have to pass out orders along the way and demands of people.  Demands like respect, equality and more.

Self Definition

"Defining myself, as opposed to being defined by others, is one of the most difficult challenges I face."

~ Carol Moseley-Braun

Unfortunately we live in a world where we as Blacks are frequently defined by stereotypes/misconceptions created by non-Blacks.  It's so frustrating at times.  However, I know and celebrate where I come from and define myself!  It's easy to believe and buy into other people's opinions of what your culture and history are when you don't know it yourself.  Trust me when I say that knowledge gives you the power to define yourself.

Because we weren't content with being just known as slaves, we discovered that we were and still are kings and queens!  Never let anyone tell you who you are.  Do the research for yourself because chances are they're only highlighting the negative parts.

Success

"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed."

~ Booker T. Washington

Want to know success looks like?  Take a look back at how far Blacks in America have come.  Read about the Civil Rights Movement and all the advancements being made in the Mother Land.  In reading these stories about our history you will see that we've overcome millions of obstacles.  You'll see that we a people of resilience.  You'll see that we our a people who can't be stopped because success is in our blood. 

It's all written right there in our history how we've managed to work together and defeat each demon, demolish each barrier and emerge successful and victorious!  The obstacles of our past have made us stronger and positioned the drive to succeed right in our hands.  I won't always be around, but know that whatever obstacles you face in life, if you want to know how to defeat them just take a look back our history.  The Bible says that there is nothing new under the sun and God's word it correct.  You're bound to find someone that has had to overcome your obstacle,  research until you find out how they overcame and then tailor their problem-solving technique to match your needs.

No need to keep reinventing the wheel completely when you can just research and only make a few adjustments!

Dreams to Reality

"We all have dreams.  In order to make dreams come into reality it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline and effort."

~ Jesse Owen

Harriet Tubman once had a dream of becoming a freed woman and leading other slaves to freedom.  You know what inspired her to get focused and disciplined enough to carry out her plan?  Her past/history.  History had shown Harriet Tubman that if she didn't get serious about her dreams they'd never become a reality.  She'd end up dying a slave like many others before her had.

Celebrating our history can often give us the push we need to make our dreams into something real.  Don't miss out on your chance!

I love you.  Don't forget celebrating our Black history is important and it's something we do 365!  I hope one day you all will pass this letter and 365 Black history celebration down to my grandkids and that you'll encourage them to do the same.  Remember it's our responsibility to teach each other!

Love Always,

Mommy

Letters To Our Children is a monthly series started by Lashawn of Everyday Eyecandy.  Swing over to  A Southern Bowl of Gumbo to read Tamika's letter to her daughter!

Letters To My (Our) Children: Always Have A Dream

Dear Moo and JJ,

Always have a dream.  Today we're celebrating and honoring Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  He was perhaps one of the greatest dreamers in history.  You see, Dr. King's dream was for all people to be treated equally.  Unfortunately there was a time when we (Blacks) didn't have the same rights as our non-Black counterparts.

Dr. King's dream was that the United States (and pretty much everyone) would become united people who wouldn't judge each other based on skin color (or anything else).  Sadly, he was murdered before he could fully see his dreams come into fruition.  However, reading about his legacy and war on inequality has taught me many things about the importance of having a dream.  Here are few lessons that I've learned about dreams from Dr. King:

Be Fearless

Dr. King grew up during a time where Blacks were killed or seriously hurt for speaking out against Jim Crow laws, discrimination or bad treatment.  However, Dr. King believed in his dreams so much that they outweighed his fears.  There will be times the scope and journey of your dreams will scare you, but don't let the fear win.  Someone once said, "Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire."

Equality, unity, love and faith are what set Dr. King's soul on fire and he pursued his passions until he took his last breath.  Therefore, as long as you two have breath in your body, continue going after your dreams.

Don't Settle/Downgrade

Set your aims for the stars and keep it there.  When you dream, dream big.  Then don't ever let anyone convince you that your dreams are too big, too much, or too anything.  Do you know how boring this world would be if everyone downgraded their dreams?  How unjust?  And while we still face great injustices today, if Dr. King and many other Civil Rights leaders didn't chase after their dreams, we might not be where we are today.  None of those people downgraded their dreams.

You won't find anywhere where Dr. King downgraded his dream of equality.  Likewise, I don't want to find any evidence of you two giving up on your dreams either!  You can totally do this.

Walk The Walk

"The distance between dreams and reality is called action."  Don't just speak about your dreams, take action.  If you're going to talk the talk, walk the walk.  Put in work daily to accomplish your dreams.  Start with one small thing and then add something new everyday.

So many people get caught up talking about what their dreams are that they forget to take the needed steps to make those dreams a reality.  Don't just be a daydreamer, be a dream achiever. 

Put Yourself First

Don't make the mistake of getting caught in building dreams for someone else.  Is it good to help others accomplish their dreams?  Of course, but don't get so wrapped up in their dreams that you start to put yourself and your dreams on the back burner.  You only have one lifetime in which to accomplish everything you want to achieve.  Don't waste it by playing second fiddle.

Support Each Other

Don't ever forget to be supportive of one another.  Our family, friends and loved ones often times are our biggest supporters.   No matter what always be there for each other.  Lift each other up by doing what you can and offering to be of assistance.

Dr. King and many activist before and after him were able to help us gain more rights and defeat Jim Crow Laws by being more supportive of each other's movement and causes.  When Rosa Parks was arrested for refusing to give up her seat on a bus to a White person, Dr. King had her back and helped organize bus strikes and marches to bring awareness to her mistreatment and how ridiculous it was that We were seen as undeserving of a place to rest of tired feet on public transportation.

The same  results can happen by offering to be a helping hand to support the causes and dreams of those we love when the time is needed. Divided we  fall, but united we strong and we stand tall.  

At the end of the day, always have a dream or two!  Never give up on the opportunity to leave your mark on the world.

--------

This letter is part of the Letters to Our Children series hosted by LaShawn of Everyday Eyecandy.  Keep the support going and check out Brandi's letter here.

Letters To My (Our) Children: Always Give Thanks

Dear JJ and Moo,

If I had to choose one habit that I wanted you two have for the rest of your life, I would pick for you to always give thanks.  ALWAYS.  No matter what.  This has been one of the biggest life lessons that I've had to learn since my twenty-something odd years on Earth.  While this is no easy feat to master, it's well worth practicing.  Why?

A lot of people underestimate the power of being able to always give thanks no matter what the situation is.  They feel like what's the point in giving thanks or being thankful when things don't go way.  Many people don't see the value in demonstrating gratitude even in the midst of difficult times and hard trials.  I'm so glad that I'm no longer one of those people.

You see unconditional gratitude changes everything!  It's the difference between having an entire bad day versus having one negative moment throughout your day.  When we are able to give thanks when life is at its worst, bad things don't consume you as much.  Practicing unconditional gratitude helps to make us more humble, more compassionate, more understanding, more optimistic and more trusting of God's path for our lives.

Moo, when we found out you had septic hip right after your second birthday, I was more afraid than I had ever been up to that point in my life.  A week early you had just had a check-up at the pediatrician's and she had said that we should expect you start having growing pains because you were hitting the age that it started to happen.  She mentioned that one of the places kids feel pain when their bodies hit a mini growth spurt were in their joints like in the hips and legs.   So that first day you complained about having pain in that area, I thought it was from you having some growing pains, but by the next day things had gotten progressively worse really fast.

We ended up going to three different hospitals, seeing a bunch of specialists and listening to talks of them possibly having to put you under and do a test that could have left you paralyzed or more.  I wanted to fall to pieces, but I prayed instead.  The first thing I remember saying when I started praying was "Lord, thank you."  I didn't give Him thanks because I wanted you to be sick or in pain.  I gave Him thanks because for allowing me to not overlook something that turned out to be really serious.

I was grateful that we were surrounded by some of the best children's specialists in the world and that everyone was working hard to figure out what was going on with you.  I gave Him thanks because I knew that whatever the outcome would be, I had had the privilege of being your mom and together this situation would make us stronger.  And it did.  

You were such a trooper as they poked and prodded you giving you x-ray after x-ray and running blood tests as well as urine tests.  While incredibly painful, I was relieved to find out that septic hip was rare, but could happen to you again at point in your life.  I'm grateful for this past experience because now we know the warning signs should it indeed happen again.

JJ, helping you manage your special needs has helped me to become more grateful that we all have differences.  You are so uniquely you and I love it!  You can be incredibly shy at times, but super bossy.  Sometimes you can't always express your thoughts using words, but it's made you a million times better at expressing your love for us.

I'm grateful for the opportunities to have witnessed the power to overcome hurdles that is within you.  I know that it's hard being autistic, but you don't like it slow you down.  I give thanks that instead it's built within the spirit of a fighter.  Not the kind that fights with his hands, but his heart, his will and determination to achieve greatness no matter how big or small.

Being your mom has taught me that being normal is subjective.  You're beautiful just as you are.  You challenge me to be more and I love it.

Just remember, you two, that life won't be all roses, but when you learn to always give thanks, it won't be all bad either.  Everything happens for a reason and for that alone we should be grateful.  I love you both!

Love,

Mommy

Click on over to Everyday Eyecandy to read LaShawn's letter to her oh so adorable son, Pookah: http://wp.me/p3Pek5-2VP

Letters To My Children: My Heart Runneth Over

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

- Elizabeth Stone

Dear Moo and JJ,

When it comes to parenting, no truer words have ever been spoken.  Seeing those double pink lines was nothing short of lifechanging.  Moo, when I found out I was going to be a mom for the first time, I was a bag of mixed emotions.  If I could go back in time and give twenty-two year old me some advice, it would be to relax and enjoy the journey.

But as I stared at that counter full of positive pregnancy tests, I couldn't help but be terrified that I was going to screw this motherhood gig up.  You see once the initial wave of shock/surprise wears off and it finally hits you that there's a life growing inside of you that you're going to be responsible, fear kind of paralyzes you for a little bit.  Your mind starts to think of all the things that could wrong.  One of the happiest days of my life will forever be the day we finally met face to face- your birthday!

Your birth was peaceful, serene and near perfect minus the allergic reactions I had to the pain medications and the long labor (22 hours).  You came into this world so quiet, they thought something was medically wrong because they couldn't get you cry or open your mouth so that they could suction it out.  Eventually, you let a couple of wails.  They placed you on my chest and you got quiet again.  It was looking into your eyes for that first time that I knew all my fears had been for nothing.  It was like you were silently telling me, "You've got this, Mom!" 

JJ, when I first found out you were growing inside of me, my first thought was how do I show him that he loved too?  I can't speak for other moms, but my biggest fear about having a second child was that you'd end up feeling like you were second best.  There were plenty of nights and stolen moments during the day that I would talk to you while you were in my womb and I'd always make sure to tell you that I loved you.

Your birth was quick and fast.  You came a whole three weeks early.  That should have been my sign that you were going to end up being an endless ball of energy and motion.  Like your sister, you made your debut without a cry.  Your little legs were just a flailing a though.  It was almost like you were quietly trying to kick-fight your way to me.

That first snuggle with you holding onto my finger, I knew that I could never love you any less than I already loved your sister.  In many ways, you are my miracle baby.  There was a time when we thought you were going to come much too soon and have to fight for your life.  God had His angels looking out and you stayed put until you were nice and healthy.

Because of you two, my life will never be the same.  It more meaning purpose.  Because of you two, I work harder to set a good example.  As children, you're impressionable and quick to imitate my every move.  Because of you two my heart runneth over. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

XOXO,

Mommy

Letters To My Children is a monthly letter series hosted by LaShawn from Everyday Eyecandy.  Click on over to Mommy Talk Show and read Joyce's letter to her handsome little guy!