Choosing Happiness

These past few months, I've been going through an emotional roller coaster.  I've had deal with a lot regarding sickness within my family.  I'm also in the process of trying to solidify myself as an extraordinary freelance writer as well as working on expanding the YUMMommy brand.  Then pile on being a mom of two, a wife and a domestic diva.  You could say that I have my hands quite full.

While, I started off strong at some point over the summer everything just kind of started to take its toll on me.  I found myself lacking true happiness.  Don't get me wrong, I wasn't bummed all the time.  There were moments when I was excited or anxious and even moments when I felt ok.  And I'd been asking myself "why can't I feel happy?"

So, after a few weeks of asking myself that question, I decided to pray.  For me prayer is a place I turn to for comfort, help, and understanding.  Anyways, last night I was reading Live Your Best Life Now for Moms by Joel Osteen when I stumbled across this:

Starting right this moment, I'm choosing happiness.  I'm not going to allow the negative and stressful things, people and situations get to me.  I have made the conscious decision to take back my joy.  We only get one life to live and I don't want to look back on my younger years and think about all the moments, I didn't truly get to enjoy.

I know that my stumbling across that passage was not a mistake but a message from God.  And I hear Him loud and clear.

What is it that you choose today?  Happiness, joy, love...?

All In A Dream

"A dream realized is good, but a dream achieved is better."

~YUMMommy Proverb

When I graduated high school, I had a list of dreams that I wanted to accomplish.  I wanted to graduate from college, move to New York, get a job in fashion, write for a big name magazine and travel the world.  I was pretty sure that I had my life all planned out.  However, as I soon learned, everything does not always go as planned.  

Here I am almost seven years later and I'm still working on getting my master's degree.  I haven't moved to New York.  I had a job in fashion retail.  No, I haven't caught the eye of any big name magazines yet.  And traveling around the world for me means going down to my mom's house.  Pretty sad right?

Not really.  What I have done is found the love of my life, gotten married, had two beautiful children, moved away from home and started this wonderful blog.  In process of achieving all of this, I've realized that my dreams are still the same. Almost.  I'm torn between whether or not I still want to move to New York.  Anyways, with two kids and strong desire to still make something more of myself, I'm more determined than ever to accomplish my dreams. 

Starting YUMMommy has opened a lot of doors for me.  It's allowed me to meet and bond with some pretty awesome men and women.  Before I started this blog, I knew that I loved writing and inspiring others but I didn't know how much.  I get a rush when write.  And it warms my heart when I read a comment about how my writing has touched someone in a positive way.

It's because of YUMMommy that I have been motivated to not give up on my master's or settle for just an associate's degree.  I've read about how so many of you with way more obstacles than I have going back to grad school.  Some of you have even started your own businesses and brands!! 

 I'm realizing that I don't have to write for those big name magazines, I can become one.  I deserve and desire better.  Likewise my children deserve to have a mommy who can teach them how to follow their dreams. 

You see, there will be times in your life when you will get caught up in life and forget that at one point you had dreams.  However, when you do realize those dreams again, you should work harder at achieving them.  When we achieve our dreams we conquer our deepest fear-- failure.  When we achieve our dreams we prove to ourselves that we more than adequate.  

So, go ahead and dare to dream again!  Go ahead and watch all your fears disappear.  Best of all remember than becoming the best you all lies in a dream.

  

Someday Never Comes

"Many women enter motherhood with low self-esteem, focusing on the negative, feeling inferior and inadequate, always dwelling on reasons why they can't be happy.  Others put off their happiness till some future date.  Unfortunately, 'someday' never comes."

~Joel Osteen

My first pregnancy was not even close to being a fairy-tale.  I had to quit my job, find health insurance, deal with my mom's disappointment and save my fragile relationship.  My self-esteem was beyond low.  It was shot to hell actually.

And being jobless with a baby on the way certainly made me feel inadequate about being able to raise a child.  I wanted to be happy (and was to a  certain extinct) but reason after reason and issue after issue kept raining on my parade.  I learned quickly that I couldn't rely on others (including my own mother) to inspire a little bit of happiness.  Don't get me wrong...I love my mom and she loves me.  Our bond is amazing and the only person who knows her better than herself and I is God.  (She will and has confirmed this statement.)

However,  the night I told her I was pregnant will always be the most bittersweet of my life.  My sisters, who were  accompanying her, squealed with delight as she read aloud my pregnancy test results from the doctor.  My mom's face had this look as if I had just told her I was going to prison.  She didn't smile or say congratulations.

In fact, she stayed eerily quiet.  She felt like I was reliving her mistakes.  Here I was twenty-two, not married, living with my fiance of 3 years and trying to finish school and pursue my dreams.  Now I had just added a baby to the mix.  She made no effort to hide her disappointment.

I was heartbroken.  While I wasn't exactly planning on having a child before marriage, it happened.  I didn't regret it either.  I was after all having unprotected sex.  I knew the risk and accepted the responsibility for my actions.  I was a grown woman no longer living under my mother's roof.

I felt myself drowning in depression.  I kept thinking that someday things would get better.  I convinced myself that  this was my punishment for not living as close to God's will as I was suppose to and all my other past sins.  Weeks turned into months and eventually I delivered Moo.  A rainbow of joy seemed to envelope me until doom set in again when my fiance and I split.

Shortly after Moo's first birthday, I was sitting at home reflecting on my life.  I was at rock bottom emotionally.  In my sitting still and staring at Moo while she napped, I realized someday was never coming.  I was just sitting around on my ass waiting for happiness to appear out of thin air.  It was as if things would magically improve.

You see happiness takes work and learning to accept the current state of my life.  Through that acceptance, I could enact plans to change those things that were holding me back.  You see happiness doesn't come from others, money or things.  It comes from hard work, getting rid of the stumbling blocks and living the best life for yourself.

My journey to inner happiness has included removing negative people from my life, forgiving those who hurt me and myself, asking others to forgive me and working hard to live right according to my religious beliefs.  I've also been proactive at working to make my dreams come true.  The road gets bumpy but I no longer sit around waiting for a day that doesn't exist.  The next second is not promised to anyone.  So we must make the present count at all times.

If you want to be genuinely happy examine your life.  What are your expecting others to do that you can do for yourself?  What is holding you back from living the life you dream of?  Make a list and then get to action.  Sitting on your butt waiting for 'someday' will cause you to miss out on your life, family, future and most of all your happiness.