Romance Wednesday: Throwing Down

You know the saying "The best way to a man's heart is through is stomach?"  Well, that's true.  Now, I know we all can't get down like the Neelys but I'm here to tell you that a little effort goes a long way sometimes.  Over the years, I've learned that my husband really appreciates and notices how much I appreciate him when I make his favorite dishes.

Corn w/ green beans, my secret recipe hot wings, French bread topped with  fresh mozarella, baby tomatoes and onion, plain wings (for the kids) and rice.

More importantly, I've worked hard to perfect the dishes and make them to his taste preference.   For example, I like my homemade macaroni to have a little onion in it with bacon sprinkled on top.  However, my husband is not a fan of onion and he has to watch his bacon intake. So, most of the time I'll leave out the onion and if he's had bacon for breakfast, I'll leave that off too.

There's no one key to a successful relationship or marriage.  It takes a combination of things.  And food is one of them.  I always say that love is more of an action than an emotion.  So, I show my love for my husband by throwing down in the kitchen.  

Granted I throw down harder some days more than others but at the end of the day, he knows that part of the reason I cook on daily basis is him.  And likewise there are plenty of times that he goes out of his way to cook for me.  I have to admit that he has all my favorite dishes memorized and executes them to perfection.  

And then there are times we cook together.  Yep, we get all Pat and Gina Neely every so often.  It's part of what keeps our marriage strong, interesting and moving forward.  So, I'm saying you have to be Betty Crocker or Martha Stewart but surprising your wife/husband with one or two of their favorite dishes every so often could have it's benefits.

Do you cook for your spouse? Does your spouse cook for you?

Romance Wednesday: Getting Pampered

Sometimes the stress and pressures of being a mommy to two busy bees, a wife, brand builder and all the other hats I wear takes a toll on me.  It's hard to feel romantic and sexy when I'm running off of five hours of sleep or less.  I'm not even really talking about being sexy and romantic for my husband, but just being able to feel that way about myself personally.

I'm firm believer in the logic that before I can expect someone else to feel or think a certain way about me, I need to feel that same way about myself first.  It's all the energy I give off.  And I need that energy to be real and natural not fake or forced.  This is why I enjoy indulging in the simple pleasures of life when I feel like my self morale is going down.

I don't know about you but I need that 'pick me up' from time to time.  Lately, my favorite morale booster has been pampering myself.  I take great pride in my skincare and love trying out new products.  As a fan of EdenFantasys for over a year now, I've discovered that they have some really great bath and skincare products.  Most recently I decided to try out a few items from their Dona by Jo Collection.

Let me just say that if you enjoy products with mostly 0r 100% all natural ingredients, then this is the collection for you.  Anyways, here are some of the goodies I ordered:

Dona Body Polish (Mangosteen)

I like the term body polish as opposed to body scrub.  Sounds more luxurious and spa like.  The combination of sea salt, natural oils mixed with shaved chunks of passion and mangosteen fruit exfoliates the skin without making it feel like I'm being rubbed raw.  And the smell is so exotic! I love it!  The oils also work to make sure your skin isn't drying out from the combination of the exfoliation and the water.

Dona Body Wash (Pomegranate)

Best lathering body wash I've ever used!  Trust me bar soap has nothing on this.  One pump goes a long way. Again the smell is heavenly and soothing.  Another thing I like about this body wash is that in addition to natural ingredients like pomegranate, green tea and goji, it also has benzyl alcohol.  Benzyl alcohol is often used products to help fight acne.  So, you're not only giving your body wrinkle fighting antioxidants but helping to get rid of and potentially prevent body pimples in the process!

Dona Shave Gel (Acai)

Due to my sensitivity to shaving I've tried a lot of shaving creams and gels.  This makes my top 3 list! I have shaved twice with this stuff since I got it and no irritation or anything. No lie (in my Drake voice).  And it doesn't leave you with that immediate dry and tight skin feeling that shaving can give you.

Dona Massage Oil (Acai)

This is the last product I put on.  My skin is very dry so traditional lotions don't work for me. I have to use oil or petroleum based products to make sure my skin stays hydrated and I don't end up spots of ashy skin before noon.  The massage oil works really and so far the only places I've had to touch up during the day have been my legs and my feet if I'm wearing sandals the rub a lot.  And not to sound like a broken record, the smell is nice.

Overall, I'm very happy that I took a chance and ordered these products as a gift to myself.  It's not often that I spend money on myself.  You know that mommy/wife guilt kicks in sometimes.  Thankfully, I was able to push it to the back of my mind.  When emerge from my spa (ok bathroom), I feel do feel refreshed, sexy and more romantic about myself.

So, to all you other moms, wives, girlfriends and even single ladies, take the time to pamper yourself for you!   Guilt be damned, we're worth it!

Do you pamper yourself?  What are some of your favorite products to use?

Disclaimer: This is not a sponsored post.  I sincerely enjoy trying out products from EdenFantasys!

Romance Wednesday: Complex Creatures

Source

 "Men are complex creatures whose ways seem just as mysterious to us as ours do to them.  It isn't fair to accuse them of being unromantic or unloving just because their ways of creating romance and expressing love may be different from ours.  My point is, don't expect your husband to be like you.

~Robin McGraw

Inside My Heart: Choosing to Live with Passion and Purpose

During the early years of our courtship, I was always telling people how unromantic my husband was.  He didn't write me love notes or send me poetry.  And he wasn't into buying flowers except on Valentine's Day.

It finally dawned on me after reading this quote in Robin's book that I had been lying all those years.  My husband was romantic.  He just showed in different ways.  His way.

He was always putting extra gas in my car, making sure it was clean and freshly washed.  He would risk having his manhood revoked by watching The Hills with me. And how can I forget about all the mornings he surprised me breakfast!

I've learned to stop expecting him to do romance my way and allow him to love the way HE knows how.

YUMMommy

PS-Don't forget my Farm Rich Giveaway ends this Friday!! 

Romance Wednesday: In Sickness & In Health

One thing that I can say about my husband is that he loves me in sickness and in health.  That was one part of our wedding vows that I knew he truly meant and would uphold without him evening having to say it.  He's nursed me through the flu twice, food poisoning, morning sickness and a slew of common colds.  He's even gotten sick a few times because he was nursing me back to health.

And when he found out that breast cancer runs pretty common in my family, I will have you all know that every so often he checks in to make sure that I am doing my daily breast exams.  Not only that but he also went so far as to get cancer insurance with his job.  "Better safe than sorry," he said.  Now, to me that's real love.

I just want to say that if you aren't encouraging your spouse to take measures to prevent breast cancer then you should start today.  Don't wait for a doctor to stumble across it or for them to get sick.

Romance Wednesday: I Promise Constitution

A few months back my mom got me a marriage book called I Promise You Forver by Dr. Gary Smalley.  It's an amazing book and I recommend that every couple pick it up and read it.  Anyways, the first page of the book is the I Promise Constitution and I thought that I would share it with you all for Romance Wednesday.  Hopefully, this constitution will inspire you to change a few things about how you participate in your marriage.

I Promise Constitution

PREAMBLE: When we wed I committed to love and cherish you all the days of my life, and I affirm that commitment today.  I love you dearly, more than life itself.  I honor you and place you above all other people in my life.  My goal is to create in our marriage a place of safety and security in which you and I can share everything without fear and grow together in deeper love and intimacy.  To confirm my commitment to this goal, I willingly make these five solemn promises to you.

I PROMISE to conform my beliefs to God's truth.  I will gain control of my outlook, emotions, and happiness by continually examining my deepest beliefs and striving to make them consisent  with  what God's Word says.  I take sole responsibility for my beliefs with the understanding that they, not you, determine my emotions, expectations, and actions.  Thus I lift from you the burden of being responsible for me.

I PROMISE to be filled by God.  I will keep God in my heart as my source of joy and love.  My love for you will be His love flowing through me.  And I will receive your love as overflow from Him.  I will base the security of our marriage on making Christ my boss.  I will strive to conform to His image and follow all His commands, especially the one to love you and care for you all the days of my life.

I PROMISE to find God's best in every trial.  I give you the security of knowing that the negative things that happen in our marriage will not destroy my love for you.  I will not expect perfection from you, but will use even the irritations between us as opportunities to see my blind spots and foster my personal growth.  I will call on the power of Christ to root out my weaknesses.

I PROMISE to listen and communicate with love.  I will value every word you speak as a window to your heart.  I will honor your opinions, feelings, needs and beliefs so that you will feel free to speak honestly and openly will full security in my love for you.  I will be open with you in communicating my heart and will consider your feelings and needs in all my words.

I PROMISE to serve you all the days of my life.  I will fight all tendencies toward selfishness in me and focus on keeping you, your needs, and your goals before me at all times.  I will serve you willingly and wholeheartedly, just as Christ served His disciples not only in small, humble ways but also by giving His life for them and for us as well.

PS: Don't forget to check out Plum District.

Romance Wednesday

Since, my husband and I didn't have a traditional wedding, we never had a first dance.  However, if and when we do, we've both agreed that this will be our wedding song.  I think it sums up how we both feel about each other.  Take listen.s

Romance Wednesday: One in a Million

So, my one year wedding anniversary is a few weeks away and I'm super excited.  Can't believe that we've been married almost a year.  Time fly by so quickly.  And I can truly say that the love my husband gives me is one in a million.  And so, I dedicate this song to him.

Romance Wednesday: Couponing

You know how they say that a family who prays together stays together?  Well, one of my new mottos is that a  couple who coupons together saves forever.  There are so many different things that I love about husband and one of those things is that he's always been supportive of my couponing and helping us to save money.  And as of late he's been taking an interest to learning how to coupon as well so that he can do some of the shopping.  

There are times when I don't feel like going grocery shopping.  So, it helps to have a husband who will pick up that slack and do it for me.  You don't have to try to be like those extreme couponers but if you use a certain brand and there's coupon in the Sunday paper for it why not save money on that item.  Over time that money adds up.  You could use that to take a second honeymoon or even plan a vow renewal ceremony.

Whatever the case is, just know that money issues are the number one cause for marital issues.  And if you're both on board with saving money then you're minimizing your chances on arguing over money.

Romance Wednesday: Candy

Today, I got my husband one of his favorite candies.

Some time it's the small things like doing this that helps to keep a marriage fresh.  It shows your spouse that they're always on your mind and that you do notice the little unspoken things.  

Romance Wednesday: Motivation

When it comes to motivation, some people are motivated by money, fame, food, etc.  But nobody motivates me harder than my husband.  He's always in my corner and has seen me through some of the darkest times in my life.  Plus, he works and hustles so hard for our family.

Likewise,I know that motivate him.  He knows my story and all that I've been through in my life. He knows that  I need safe and secure.  So, he makes sure that he is providing that in any way that he can.

When you motivate each other you become better people.  And can truly say that we are both better people.  Nothing sums it up better than this throw back from Fabolous featuring Ne-yo.

Next week, I'll post a linky so we can all link up our Romance Wednesday posts.

Romance Wednesday: Hustle

One of the things that I love and found attractive about my husband is that he's a hustler.  He's gets his hustle and grind on everyday.  No, I'm not talking about the slinging dope or selling crack type of hustle.  Trust me, his hustle is all 100% legal and legit. 

Growing up without his parents having any positive involvement in his life, he pretty much raised himself.  He decided that instead of going down the wrong path like those around him, he was going to hustle in a positive way.  He was going to hustle and make something of himself.  And he did!!  So, I'm sure that a few of you might be familiar with this song below. 

I dedicate it to my hustler-my husband. Thank you for always holding it down for the family!!

Romance Wednesday: Support

As you all know, it's National Breastfeeding Awareness Month!!  And I am a breastfeeding mom.  Today also happens to Romance Wednesday.  So, I've decided to combine the two.  

I started breastfeeding in 2008 when Moo was born.  For me formula wasn't even an option.  It's my belief that breastfeeding is how God intended for us to feed and nurture our children if were able to.  Not to mention, I had an allergy to diary throughout my entire pregnancy and figured that my baby was most likely allergic.  I'm not even sure how my strong desire to be a breastfeeding mother started or where it came from.

I just know that one day my husband and I were talking about things we wanted to do after the baby was born.  He asked if I was going to breastfeed or use formula and I replied "Breastfeed."  I didn't even take a moment to think about it.  The words just kind of rolled off my tongue.  I was kind of shocked at how certain and confident I felt about my choice.

At first, my husband wasn't on board with the whole idea of me breastfeeding.  His fear was what every man's fear is---the changing of the boobs. LOL. I just had to break it down to him that I was breastfeeding end of discussion.  If my boobs changing was going to be an issue then he could walk.  He sobered up quickly.

Knowing how he felt about breastfeeding, I was kind of shocked that when I came home from the hospital he was so supportive.  That first night was rough.  I was sore from my stitches and the whole getting up and out of bed was not going to work.  Thankfully, my husband did all the getting up and out of bed.  We weren't initially going to co-sleep, but it somehow morphed into just that. (Later post.)

I kept waiting for him to pressure me to switch to formula but he didn't.  He stuck right by me.  He kept my ice packs frozen to help with my engorgement, made sure I was comfortable and did store runs for milk pads and nipple cream.  And when my mom (who I thought would have been my biggest supporter) turned out to be the one who kept hounding me about putting Moo on soy formula or pumping only, it was my husband who stood up for me.  

Breastfeeding showed us both somethings.  It showed me that I could follow through on a long term commitment and that he really was my biggest supporter.  It showed him that he wasn't with me because of my boobs.  He was with me because of who I was and not what my assets looked like.

Here I am on round two and he's even more supportive than ever.  We did have a little power struggle early on but like last time he realized breastfeeding was truly what was best for us and JJ.  So, ladies don't give up on breastfeeding if it's what you want to do. So, what your partner or family doesn't support you.  Keep doing it and eventually they'll either get on board or shut up about it.

Men, the same way you like for us to be understanding of your video game and sports habits, we expect the same when it comes to breastfeeding.

Romance Wednesday: Relaxation

Let's face it any lasting and healthy relationship takes work.  And sometimes that work can add stress to an already stressful situation.  I've learned that the best way to deal with that stress is through relaxation.  Often times as couples we forget to take a break from our issues and frustrations.  Then some of us end up in divorce court or worst.

What I learned from the year I took apart from my husband was that when we were stressed or irritated, we kept all those feelings bottled up.  We didn't let go (or at least I didn't).  I'm the type of person who tends to internalize most of my feelings and emotions.  Then I end up reaching a point where I explode.

Well, I just came to the conclusion that I was tired of walking around with a build up of anger.  My husband used to always tell me to relax.  He pointed out that I was always either on the go, working, helping others or worrying about problems that I couldn't fix.  Needless to say I am finally taking his advice after all these years.

Now, I take time to slow down and enjoy some relaxation before I hit rock bottom.  It can be reading a book, writing on my blog, a walk at the park, a trip to the mall or a visit to the nail spa.  And likewise my husband takes time to enjoy himself.  

Don't get so caught up in relationship drama that you let the drama become your relationship.  Take a timeout from everything and relax!

Romance Wednesday: Respect

Although, I've only been married to my husband for ten months, we've been together seven years.  I can tell you that one thing I learned was that a relationship can thrive or last without respect.  And that's something that I think a lot of couples have forgotten.  They don't respect their relationships or their spouses.

For example, I was on Facebook this past week when I stumbled across someone's status that asked whether wives/husbands had an issue with their spouses going to strip clubs.  Of course, I would have an issue with my husband going and he would have an issue with me going.  We're not insecure with our marriage at all.  We respect it.  As Christians, we are both aware that God has commanded us to keep our marriage sacred.

I can't tell you how many people said they actually encourage their spouses to go and check out strip clubs on the regular.  I kind of felt a bit disgusted.  As my husband's wife I would like to hope and know that I am keeping my husband fulfilled sexually so that he doesn't have to feel the need to seek sexual satisfactions from any other source.  Some people will argue that strip clubs are entertainment or places you go to have fun.

I wonder if you're just looking to have fun, why can't you play a board game or go swimming?  So many of us have gotten caught up in the traps set by society.  And we don't know that we're headed down a road of doom until it's too late.  There are ways to keep a relationship spicy and interesting without disrespecting the holy union that it is suppose to be.

When you and your spouse accept the expectations and guidelines for marriage as outlined by your particular religion then you will find that things run a lot smoother.  And in this society when so many couples aren't bothering to fight for their marriages during tough times, it makes sense to minimize those hard times as much as possible.  So, today sit down and ask yourself if you and your spouse are respecting your union and each other?  Are you being a good example of what a great relationship is suppose to be for children and those looking up to you?

Romance Wednesday: TV Partners

 Couples fight over everything.  We argue about money, what brands to buy, what car to get, etc.  Some couples even battle over control for the remote.  Thankfully, my husband and I don't have that issue.  I've been blessed to have a partner that actually enjoys the same shows that I do.

And for us this is a huge plus.  We haven't had a date night in three years as far as getting out the house with just the two of us.  And now that we have JJ, I'm sure that it'll be at least another year and a half.  I know some of you are like that's a long time, but we understood that when I made the choice to breastfeed, we would be sacrificing alone together time outside the home.  My family lives two hours away and JJ isn't a fan of the bottle at all.

Luckily, my husband invested in large flat screen and we have date nights in the living room after the kids are asleep.  It's not the same as going to the theater, but it still gives that closeness and romantic feeling.  Thinking about it, date night at home is better.  We can snuggle up next to each other without an arm rest blocking our contact.  We laugh and comment as much as we want without someone shhhing us.

It's truly the little things that make or break a relationship.  And I'm very thankful that what to watch on tv is one less battle that we have to worry about.  So, what do we watch on tv?  Take a look below.

 

~PS- Don't forget I'm still looking for Blogalicious sponsors!!  Help spread the word or you can donate using that pretty little donate button to the right.

Romance Wednesday: Catering To My Spouse

Ladies, I know that we love to get pampered.  Most of us have biweekly appointments at the hair salon, weekly appointments at the nail shop and monthly visits fot the spa. We also like being pampered by our spouses.  Whether it's a new purse, jewelry or a surprise dinner to your favorite restaurant, we expect these things to be done on a regular basis.  Well, what about our spouses?

Men like to be pampered or catered to as well.  Like many women, I was under the misunderstanding that men weren't really into receiving a lot of attention.  I thought that as long as you kept their stomachs full and happy in the bedroom it was all good.  Not so.  In fact, I discovered that my husband's love language was to be showered with attention.  Again, I think this goes back his childhood and not being shown attention or much love by his parents and then ending up in foster care.

Anyways, one of the first things I did for my husband was take him to a Miami Heat game back in 2007.   Being originally from Miami, I knew he was a huge fan.  And I didn't just get any tickets either.  I got us court side tickets.  We were only two rows from being on the floor.  Yea, the tickets were expensitve but once I added up all the dinners, movies, hair salon visits and trips to nail salon he'd footed the bill for, it was quite a small fortune.

I still remember the look of excitement on his face when I told him that I had gotten him tickets to the game.  His face lit up like a kid in a candy store whose parents said go crazy, the bill is on us.  LOL.  No one had ever taken the time to really pay enough attention to things that he liked. I learned that catering to my husband was more than just serving him a home cooked meal.  It means catering to all his needs and most of his wants.  It means showing him the attention that he deserves.

Think about it. When was the last time you catered to your spouse outside the kitchen or bedroom?

Romance Wednesday: Love Letters

In today's society love letters are almost extinct in most relationships.  Long gone are the days of waking up to find a little love note laying on your pillow.  Well, in my household I am fighting to keep this ancient art alive.  As you can tell, I am very good with expressing myself through the written word.

My husband did not grow in the most loving environment as a child.  And being in foster care he never really got to witness what a great marriage could be like.  That portrait of how a man should love a woman wasn't painted for him.  Hell, he barely felt the love that parents and relatives should have for a child.

Thus, he tends to need to be reassured that he is loved and that I am still in love with him.  And what better way to do so than through a love letter.  Our relationship has weathered many storms but through them all I never fell out of love with my husband.  He is one of a kind.

And strive everyday to let him know it.  There's nothing I enjoy more than sitting down with nice stationery and pouring my heart out to him.  In that moment I feel so uninhibited.  And the rush of emotions I get from watching read why letters is indescribable.

I try to surprise him. I might leave them in his lunch bag, on the driver seat of the car, the bed, etc.  I've even mailed him love letters. I hope that we can pass this art on to our children. 

Our boys and girls need to know the proper techniques to express their love.  So many of them feel they have to turn to sex and you don't.  A love letter is just as intimate.  It gets right to the point.

   When was the last time you wrote your spouse a love letter?

Romance Wednesday

Well as you can see Wedding Day Romance Wednesday has been renamed Romance Wednesday.  We took a vote on it last week over at The Yeyo Diaries.  Anyways, as some of you know my husband and I eloped Carrie Bradshaw and Big style almost a year ago.  We'd been through a really bad break up that lasted a year.  And before that we'd gotten so caught up in trying to plan the perfect wedding that seemed to be taking us years to decide on.

However, I haven't given up my dream of walking down the aisle and wearing a wedding dress.  I still have a subscription to Bride's magazine and I still pull out my wedding planning notebook every so often.  I didn't think my husband noticed but yesterday he mentioned that he saw me looking at them.  He asked if I wanted to have the whole traditional large wedding. Traditional and large? No.

Instead, we're going to have a small and intimate vow renewal ceremony.  And I've found the perfect song to walk down the aisle to.  Check it out below and let me know what you think.

Wedding Day Romance Wednesday

So, my lovely blogger friend, Amber, over that The Yeyo Diaries came up with the idea of doing a Wedding Day Romance Wednesday post every week. The purpose of these posts are to " celebrate the reasons that made us fall in love in the first place…all the time – not just on our anniversary!" 

Nobody knows better than I do the importance of celebrating the reasons you fell in love with your spouse than I  do.  In fact, at one point my husband and I almost didn't make it to becoming husband and wife because I did forget.  As a child, I lived in a house with a very affectionate mother and a not so affectionate father.  Yes, I saw my parents kiss before and on rare occasions I would witness my dad flirting with my mom. However, those points were short lived and often interrupted by outbursts from dad over his unhappiness with the situation life had dealt him-a wife and a five kids.

And eventually, he just left.  As a result I ended up being this super guarded young woman who was afraid to really let anyone in.  I was dying on the inside for affection but had no clue how to go about getting it the right way.  Thus, this made for many rocky moments in my relationship with my husband.  In fact, our relationship got so rocky because of my inability to allow myself to show or accept affection that we ended up going our separate ways before Moo's first birthday.

Things got really ugly before they got better.  February 2010, I lost one of the most important people in my life-my aunt.  She was for all sense and purposes my second mom.  She was the one person I could always be myself with and not be afraid of being judged.  Sitting at my mom's computer typing up her biography to go into in her obituary for the funeral, I got a text my husband (my then ex).

He was checking in to see how I was holding up.  The previous summer he had seen how I melted down at the hospital that awful night she coded blue and we weren't sure the doctors could revive her.  It was him who called out from work to stay with me and my entire family in the waiting room almost until midnight.  It was him who curled up with me that night when we got back home and tried to reassure me that everything would be ok.

And almost everyday afterwards, he would come home and ask if there was any improvement in her condition.  This man was wonderful and I had let one simple argument and my inability to let my guard down ruin our then four year relationship.  We'd survived larger fights and obstacles before.  So, how could something so stupid and small cause us to part ways for a whole year and do and say some truly awful things about each other?

It was in that moment of texting him that I realized why I fell in love with him.  He reminded me of my aunt.  From the beginning of our relationship, I had felt such a comfort whenever I was with him.  The reason why was because like my aunt he accepted me for who I was and didn't judge me.  He always made sure to let me know that he loved me for me and that my beauty was just an added bonus.

And somehow I knew he was telling the truth.  Having grown up in foster care and being raised by his late great uncle and great grandmother, you would think he would be the one with the affection issues. That's how I knew he must really see something special in me because all his life women has disappointed him and screwed him over yet here he was taking a chance on forever with me.

Long story short, that night before my aunt's funeral I realized that I was about to pass up on someone great.  And I knew I couldn't live with myself if I did.  My aunt had taught me about forgiveness and that when it came to love we had decide whether it was or wasn't worth doing.  Well, our love was worth moving past everything that had happened and letting the past be the past.

I'm happy to say that we have been together coming up on 7 years and are approaching our first anniversary as husband and wife.  Neither of us regrets the choice to get back together and make the ultimate commitment.  If anything the reminder of what attracted me to him has made us so much stronger this time around.  I'm sure that we will have more obstacles and battles to face but I know that we will emerge from the victoriously.